[Love of My Life] More Than Just a Special Child

Assalamualaikum.
Peace be upon you.

Takdir Allah kami dikurniakan anak istimewa.
Pernah satu ketika, dia tanya..
Anak istimewa itu apa?
Saya tak tahu macamana nak cakap.
Saya menangis dalam hati.

Dia anak yang lurus. Tulus.
Dalam hati tiada prasangka buruk.

Dia juga anak yang 'manis'
'Sweet'.. bak kata orang sekarang.

Diajar usah sakiti orang lain, itu salah.
Biarpun disakiti, dikata macam-macam dek kawan-kawan.
Dia tak melawan.
Itu salah, sakiti orang lain.
Itu salah, berkata buruk pada orang lain.
Habis-habis pun, dia menangis.

Kalau makan, dia tinggalkan sebahagian untuk saya, ummi nya.
Kalau dah tinggal sikit, dia tanya apa saya masih mahu.
Like any mothers, ofkos saya kata taknak.
Dia tetap tinggalkan sedikit untuk saya.

Hari ini dia dibuli (lagi).
Hati saya panas. Jiwa kacau.
Kalau tadi saya berjumpa dengan si pembuli, mungkin dah create a scene.
Alhamdulillah tak jumpa.

Bawa pergi makan cendol. Saya cakap bagi Abang calm down.
Tapi sebenarnya saya sendiri wanted to calm myself down.
Order cendol 2. Rojak 1.
Dalam rojak ada telur sebelah.
Ummi nak telur?
Taknak. Abang makanlah.
Dia tinggalkan juga secuit telur merah.

Saya tolak keropok-keropok dalam rojak.
Ni sedap. Abang makan lah.
Dia makan. Tinggalkan sedikit untuk saya.
Abang makanlah semua. Ummi tak mau.
Ummi kan tadi kata ni sedap. Ummi makanlah.

Hati saya tersentuh.
Tadi rasa jiwa panas.
Tiba-tiba sejuk.

Allah kurniakan dia kepada saya untuk saya belajar banyak perkara.
Hal urusan hidup dan kasih sayang.
Alhamdulillah.


Ditaip dengan linangan airmata.

[Thoughts] Choices Life Has to Offer

Often, I am bogged with thoughts of choosing to work 9-5 or to stay home. Am I doing the right thing? Is this the best for my family? Why would I do this and that? The list goes on.

I will be on long leave comes February 2016. A whole nine months leave with no pay. Approved. Marked countdown to the date in my desktop calendar.

Reason? To oversee my two children prepare for their exams. Like I mentioned in this post before, this may be some people's normal comings and goings in life. But to me, this is a big thing. Allah takdirkan we have a child with different needs, then we have to take life a little differently than other people.
 

11 more days, then I'm off

 

Wah best lahh! - Some people commented.
I wish I can do the same - Some added.

You see, this is something I need to do.

As a mother.

 

Sometimes in order to hold on something, I need to let go of other things. That sometimes means I will be lagging behind other some people in some areas.

 

Working or staying home, would not and should not make me a lesser mother. But if I were really really really have to choose between being a lesser mother or, a lesser employee, I would choose the latter. Never a lesser mother.

I have to admit that deep down inside, I am also a bit excited. And scared. What if it doesn't work out?

Husband said - Let's not regret not doing this. Let's not regret in future of things we should've and could've done but we didn't.

 

And then a friend of mine, Yati, shared this beautiful article in our little wassap group. It went down to my heart.

Too beautiful not to share...

 

Article can be read at http://coolmumsuperdad.com, here's the link to the article. Beautifully written by Jamilah Samian.

 

"Apart from handbags, shoes and accessories, women love three things: elegance, children, and work. Looking pretty is straightforward. Have enough sleep, eat well, have good thoughts, dress up, put on your best smile and voila! You are ready for the world.

 

Striking a balance between family and work is not that simple. A woman arguably has most energy and the ability to grow, personally and professionally, before she hits forty. Yet, for a working mother, within this period, family and work compete for her attention, time and energy.

But first, what does “work” mean?

 

Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. (peace be upon him) said, “The best of people are those that bring most benefit to the rest of mankind.” (Daraqutni, Hasan).

 

Let us redefine “work” as “anything and everything that brings benefit to mankind”. I know of women who chose to stay home once children came into the picture. I also know of women deeply involved with unpaid work like volunteerism, on top of the official work that they do.

 

To each her own; no mother should be seen or judged as less successful regardless of her choice of “work”. How does a mother strike a balance between her love for her family and her love for work, to bring most benefit to mankind?

 

Clarity of purpose. Be clear why you do what you do. When the “why” is clear, the “how” becomes easier. In difficult times, remind yourself why you are there in the first place. If you believe what you do has value and can change society in a meaningful way, you will find the strength to go on.

 

Be kind to yourself. Forget about serving humanity if your health is compromised. Prolonged high stress promotes modern illnesses, including cancer. Working mothers have a tendency to give it all in their pursuit of success, at times realizing too late that no one is a wonder woman. The first person a mother must look after is her self. Too little sleep once too often, no exercise, and eating the wrong kinds of food, can have long-term adverse effects on your life.

 

A big heart. Think beyond standard options. Find unconventional ways to resolve and overcome problems. What works for another person might not work for you.

 

Be nice to others, but be nicer to your family. Just as you would mark your calendar for appointments with your clients, do the same for your parents, spouse, and children. A family is sacred. Far too many marriages are breaking apart because everything else becomes more important soon after a couple tied the knot. Connect with your loved ones daily. The heart grows distant with every second you are apart. To young children, “love” equals “time”; a mother’s adoring voice and touch are irreplaceable.

 

Have a little regret each day. Dissatisfaction can be a good source of motivation! Perfection doesn’t exist. Instead, work towards “better”. Better relationships, better performance at work, and understanding yourself and others better. You can only do better when you look back and reflect upon the day that has been with honesty, and accept your shortcomings.

 

Above all, Know your true hero. Have a real person to inspire you. If you reach a point where you feel like giving up, remember this person, remember why he or she is important to you, and what about him or her that inspires you. For me it’s my late mother. She once said to me, “Kalau buat baik, tentu Tuhan tolong.” (“So long as you’re doing good, God will help you.”) Her words have become my life motto ever since. When things get tough, all I do is recall these words to get up and go" 

[Love of My Life] 1st Week of School and One Mom's Hope

2016 - Tough year.

Praying that I will pull through in good, graceful ways.

 

Kakak, sits for PT3 this year.
Iman, sits for UPSR.

I know that this is just normal comings and goings in some people's life. It's a big thing for me though.

Iman, has disorders. I am not complaining. It helps me to see things from different light. Walk through the journey less travelled. Realising the spirit and courage I never knew I had. He's been diagnosed when he was four and it's been almost 8 years since.

Although the best is yet to come, I hope one day it will.

So.

My elder two now attend nightly tuition every weekdays night. I am not all for this tuition thingy but at times like these, I think this is the best for them.

Friday night they go to KUMON as well. Saturday they have tae kwan do, KUMON and mengaji. Sunday mengaji. They have the rest of the weekends to themselves.

Homework and daily KUMON worksheet must be completed before we pick them up at taska.
Balik tuition can watch TV for 1/2 to 1 hour, then it's bedtime.
Absolutely no gadgets during weekdays, except.. well.. when in the car.
Gadgets during weekends must be surrendered latest by 6:00 pm, Sunday.

We survived the arrangement 1st week of school. Still too soon to tell but I hope we can manage and pull through.

Yang tak berapa survive is mak nya! By end of last week, I have 6 bakuls of laundry to fold. Hope to get my rhythm back so I won't end up scaling Mt. St. Laundry every weekends!

I hope to strike a balance between getting them to study and let them kids, be kids.

Main sorang-sorang while the sister and brother are at tuition center

Adam doesn't really mind the arrangement, tho he insisted he needs to go to tuition too :-) Being the manja anak bongsu, who offers you big warm hugs out of nothing, gives you that sudden wet smooches.. he doesn't mind all the attention he gets all for himself. Even though for just few hours a day hehe.